The Pain of Living Your Dreams
"It is a fundamental law of nature that in order to gain strength, one has to push one's limits which is painful." - Ray Dalio
Every first day of the month, I send you a letter focused on helping you become the best you. You can subscribe here so you do not miss any letters:
Before the Leap…
On Friday, the first of November 2019, the wheels that would alter the trajectory of the rest of my life were set in motion.
Before that day, I was a high-flying employee at a top tech company in Lagos and was on a fast track to becoming the Human Resources (HR) Leader of a firm. In just under 5 years, I was already making my mark in the HR space – I was speaking and serving as a panelist at conferences; I was directing the learning and development function and launching several initiatives towards building a learning organization; I was also driving the performance management strategy and had redesigned the performance management framework for our 200+ staff organization, which had boosted productivity and organizational performance, amongst many other engagements and achievements. Suffice to say I knew my onions and was excellent at what I did.
But I wanted more…
For the longest time, I had wanted to solve problems and transform organizations into high-performing institutions. So, even though I was rising really fast in my HR career, I felt like something was missing. I felt like there was another part of my life, a dream, that I needed to fulfil. I felt like I was climbing the rungs of my career ladder pretty fast, but on the wrong wall, as I wasn’t exactly keen on becoming the HR Leader of a company. I wanted to explore the management consulting world. I wanted to hone my strategy skills and business acumen. I didn’t want to keep wondering “what if” or come to the end of my years with “had I known” on my lips. Moreover, I was young, so when was the best time to make the move if not then?!
Nonetheless, I had concerns. I had fears. I had anxiety. I had doubts. I was leaving the known to venture into the unknown. What if I failed? What if I found out I wasn’t good enough? I remember meeting a few senior colleagues and mentors to seek their counsel on the career-altering decision I was about to make.
After all was said and done, I took the leap. I moved from HR and took up a strategy role.
After the Leap…
Last Monday, November 1st, made it two years since I took that leap. Since I told myself that I owed it to myself to at least try. And now, two years down the line, you are probably expecting me to write about how awesome the experience has been. Perhaps about how the past two years have been a smooth jolly ride. Honestly, I wish I could tell you that and more. But I’d be lying.
Instead, it got really worse…
The past 2 years saw me leave my place of comfort, strength, and excellence to a place of uncertainty, insecurity, and average. It saw me move from being sure to becoming unsure. Unsure of myself. Unsure of my work. Unsure of my skills. It was painful becoming a child and learner again, having been so high-flying in my other career. It was painful moving from a place of knowing my onions to doubting my work and skills. There were days I’d be given assignments and I'd just stare at the screen of my laptop, with no clue how to go about it. I would wonder for the umpteenth time why I went on this path again and if I was really good enough or cut out for it. There were days I had to listen to/sing “I didn't know my own strength and I was not built to break” by Whitney Houston to carry me through the night. I would wonder if I should just give in – pick up the phone, call them and let them know that I really was not cut out for the role. So, again, yes, it got really worse; the years were humbling and discomfiting.
But it started to get better…
Today, I look back on the past two years, on the painful moments and experiences, and I can smile. Why? I have grown. I have had validating moments and experiences. I have found renewed confidence, new strengths, new skills, new abilities. I have explored and am exploring new territories. I am establishing competence. I am expanding capacity.
The Pain of Living One’s Dreams…
“Man needs difficulties. They are necessary for health.” – Carl Jung
Indeed, going the path of living your dreams will feature such painful moments and experiences. As Ray Dalio put it:
It is a fundamental law of nature that in order to gain strength, one has to push one's limits which is painful. Yet most people instinctively avoid pain. This is true whether we are talking about building the body (e.g., weightlifting) or the mind (e.g., frustration, mental struggle, embarrassment, shame) - and especially true when people confront the harsh reality of their own imperfections.
As I write this letter, I am reminded of the experience a baby has when they are about to start walking. When a baby learns to walk, they may fall 100 times. But they will never think “this isn’t for me” or “I’m not good enough” or “maybe I’m to stay crawling for the rest of my life”. We would never think that of babies either as they learn to walk.
So why should the pains and struggles you go through on the journey towards living your dreams mean that the dream isn’t for you or that you are not good enough and should give it up?
Here's to you, dear Reader. I don’t know what path you’re on that might require you to become a child or learner again. That might require you to start over. That might require you to leave your place of comfort. That might require you to leave the known and venture into the unknown. I hope that you take that leap of faith.
To gain strength, you have to push your limits. It is frightening. It will be painful. But that is the beauty of it, isn’t it? Because without that leap, we will never know what could be, we will never know what we are capable of. And I, for one, can’t wait to find out!
Temie Giwa Tubosun, the Founder and CEO of LifeBank, in my interview with her for Origins Africa Podcast put it best as she described her journey:
…for me, it is the best decision because of the sheer amount of impact. It is the worst decision because it’s been difficult.
(You can listen to the interview here: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts).
At the end of the day, when it comes to living the life of your dreams, the ultimate question is never, “What do you want out of life?” But rather, what pains are you willing to go through to live the life of your dreams?
I am on my path, and I am going through mine. I know it will be worth it in the end.
Love and light always,
O’Seye
PS 1: Apologies, again - this month’s letter came in behind schedule. I still hope it was worth the wait. Do let me know by liking or leaving a comment here:
Also, feel free to share this month’s letter here:
PS 2: Origins Africa Podcast, where I interview Africans who have made and are making their dreams come true, asking them the What, the When, the How, and the Why, returns on Tuesday, November 16th, 2021. To catch regular updates so you do not miss any episode, kindly follow us on Instagram and Twitter @OriginsAF.
This newsletter resonates with me so deeply right now because I'm currently on the same journey- making a career switch from core finance / audit into HR.
I have doubted the 'correctness' of my head so much in the past couple of months😂
I've had a great career as an auditor and everyone thinks I'd be really successful if I continue on that path but deep within me, there's that 'what if I do better in HR?'.
So here I am, taking each day as it comes and enjoying the process of learning, unlearning and relearning.
May the journey be worth the pain of living our dreams 🥂
Your letters has been coming right on time, and that's a good sign. Accepting change can be very difficult for us even when it's the change that we desire most in our lives.